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Encyclopedia Dramatica Anonymous 11/11/2019 (Mon) 05:05:13 No. 2585
Gather round and let me tell you the story of how Encyclopedia Dramatica lopped off its head to try and spite its ugly body.

There once was a fat man named Onideus, he was boisterous, mean, antagonistic and loved to shit post. He made many enemies, but brought about much mirth with his inflammatory posting and Discordian perspectives.

The enemies of this fat man were many and they cried out, "DEATH TO THE FAT HATTER!"

...but Onideus simply laughed in response.

Enraged, his enemies began to attack more... and more... they would stop at nothing to get back at this monstrous man of great girth... I mean mirth. Try and try as they might, they couldn't not budge this mountain of a man. Eventually they became so desperate in their Onideus Derangement Syndrome or ODS (pronounced odious) that they began to use illegal tactics... they tried death threats, bomb threats, contacting friends and family, threatening his friends and family, posting his dox, then his social security number, libeling him as a furry, then as an adult baby, eventually the libelous accusations escalated into outright claims of pedophilia and eventually trailed off into bizarre insinuations that he was stalking Drew Barrymore as a psychic vampire... and apparently a drum corps was involved.

None of this derangement worked. The fat man simply dropped and let out nuclear text bomb after nuclear text bomb. Eventually the admin of the site at the time, one Brian Zaiger, became so drunkenly enraged he went on the talk page of this great shit poster and cried out for a personal army, "VANDALIZE HIS PROPERTY! DESTROY HIS PROPERTY!" he cried with vengeful reckoning in his voice.

The fat man... had been waiting. He knew. He knew if he was patient enough, if he endured enough, if he took enough hits... that eventually, eventually these odious ass hats would step over the line... a line or six of legality that would absolutely ensure their immediate end if acted upon by that mean 'ol Onideus.

So an ultimatum was given to this Brian... do as I say, or I will legally end you outright.

Brian did not believe at first, oh no, skeptical was he, who had spent so much of his time hammering away at this large bodied rock of a man... but then Onideus began to move... very slowly at first, just a taste... a tap... one little tap... and Brian knew... he knew to bow before the God of humanity's demons.

This did not sit well with the lessers, the doormats, the dregs, the EDiots... one of them became so irrational an enraged he went postal! Shot up a school and killed two innocent kids... all because a fat man on the Internet erased an article he wrote and took away the only semblance of control he felt he still had in life.

Eventually the others became so furious and flustered they OUSTED the Brian! They cheered out, "NO MORE BRIAN, NO MORE ONIDEUS!" They would kill the captain to try and sink the great ship Onideus.

Then a man named Sibin from Serbia took the helm of the sinking ship and declared, "I WILL SAIL US TO A NEW LAND OF LULZ!"

...but the lulz did not come. There weren't any good new articles, there weren't any new memes, there weren't any new lulzy images, or videos... there was just despair and bitterness as the ship slowly sank onwards into the abyss.

At one point, a sly little weasel nosed his way onto the ship, he whispered sweet lies to the Sibin, promised him a leashed return of the Onideus and so he began...


This of course did not suade Onion Math Hat and the sly little weasel began accusing him of uploading child porn to the server! Of course, nothing of the sort ever occurred, but what was a little fraud on top of libel, thought the cat snake? As he began removing pictures of bacon and then turned around and deleted the edit logs with false accusations! No one would know, right? I mean, it's not like there was someone monitoring the RC in real time using video screen capturing... oh, oops...


This of course did not please Odoriferous Mud Flapper as he leaned on over to Sibin and issued the same legal ultimatum he gave to Brian. But Sibin was a sly fox, he thought,

"I live in Serbia! It's too far away from you, you have no power here!"

Sibin could not have been more wrong. Very quickly he learned that he was standing on the edge of a great precipice and cried out, "WAIT! NO! IT'S NOT MINE! I GAVE IT ALL AWAY TO THE WEASEL FUR!"


But Onideus was looking for a scarecrow... he would use Sibin as a warning. And in turn contacted the SIA, Serbia's version of the FBI and whispered sweet secrets into their virtual ears. Their interest piqued, they began to investigate and in a panic Sibin pulled the plug on Encyclopedia Dramatica... he tried to burn the whole ship with everyone still on it... just to save himself.

>>3435 So, let me see if I got this right... you claim, on your site... that you REMOVED every single thing I ever uploaded... and you ALSO just claimed that you have the ability to know exactly who it was who uploaded everything soooo... sorry kiddo, but the child porn on your server wasn't put there by me, you've already effectively admitted that it wasn't me (by preemptively removing all my content), which means all that's left, including the child porn... well that's 100% yours, Dumbass. Further, I've already provided evidence of you doctoring deletion logs to make false accusations soooo... kinda fucked yerself already on that one. I mean why would law enforcement trust anything you say about your logs when... clear as fuckin day, there's your admin, deleting pictures of BACON and relabeling it as child porn. Hurr de durr! Don't stop doubling down though, I'm sure if you keep committing electronic fraud things will ~totally~ work out in your favor! :D And no, I don't need to take anything up with anyone but you. You run the site, your name is plastered all over it, you're directly giving instructions/commands to others and all the little peons you listed all get their marching orders from you. Oh and don't worry, I've got a whole fuckin folder filled with screencaps and archive.today links covering just that ONE lie of yours alone. Don't stop though! Just keep doubling down with the lies! That's ~totally~ a good idea! I mean, law enforcement is so stupid, amirite? They're ~totally~ not going to notice your name, your account, your user status on the account, the dozens of comments and questions ~clearly~ referencing you as the owner... yeah, stupid police, they're totes not gonna notice that! You're so smart! By which I mean your lawyer, because obviously your lawyer is the one who instructed you to do all this and you ~totally~ didn't lie to your lawyer. By the by... who ~is~ your lawyer, exactly? I'd like to go ahead and contact them, ask them a few questions... especially since you've already effectively implicated them in your illegal activities. PS - Using your own libelous page of patently absurd bullshit as "evidence" that I'm somehow not trustworthy... yeeaaaah... that's probably not gonna end real well for you. Again... get a lawyer dude... do it now, or you'll be in jail... mark my words.
>>3224 Also Oni stop pretending to be other people, it's just obvious and sad. Honestly you are a retarded megalomaniac with unlimited salt. Relax and stop being gross with diaper fetishes and obessity or whatever else. Move on and take care of yourself.
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>>3456 Have you tried ~not~ being retarded?
Me: 'You really ought to stop committing fraud.' ED: 'Our nonexistent owner Joseph Evers sock puppet is back!' Just a point of historical fun... Brian actually tried this same thing, using a combination of Daniel Brandt and his personal sock puppet persona Joseph Evers... which then enabled Brandt to shut the entire fucking wiki down because... hurr durr, you claimed he was the owner! This is just... sheer undiluted stupidity, it really is. I mean... I don't see how they could ~not~ remember how this blew up in their idiot faces the last time they tried it. I really, REALLY hope Conrad tries to tell the police that the site is owned by a stolen identity... I mean, yet ANOTHER self-incriminating act of fraud ON TOP of identity theft?! Holy shit... this dude is gonna be so unbelievably fucked! :D Not to mention the fact that the company who BOUGHT Encyclopedia Dramatica, the brand, the site, the whole shebang... oh they got a shiny new target to sue! I think contacting them will be like... Day 10 of my "12 Days Of Conrad" plan. I looked it up and apparently it's supposed to run from December 25th to January 5th, so I'll kick off my fun right on Christmas day and I'll post the screen caps here. I still have two open days left to figure out.tho, but right now I'm busy compiling evidence for the other days.
>>3529 Go back to shitting your diapers you disgusting pervert
>>3537 The only diaper I'm wearing is your indignant rage... and I wear it with pride! :D
>>3540 Not seeing a denial on the disgusting prevert part... unsurprising.
>>3550 You can tell this retard is a leftist because he enjoys using kafkatrapping.
>>3551 I'd post the proof but your art is so bad it makes me nauseous. Imagine if you used all the time you spent writing long winded posts on the Internet to practice your art you'd be notable for something other than broken promises.
>>3200 Last time I checked, people don't get life in prison for hacking NAMBLA's site and badmouthing autistic fatfucks like you. What state was this guy in?
>>3557 I don't think you have any fuckin idea just how dangerous that can be. I mean, my random, forgotten thoughts can coalesce in ways that directly impact your reality in completely unexpected ways... https://gab.com/Onideus/posts/103178339414878945 That's how dangerous a God can be... if I simply THINK WRONG your entire reality could slip right off its dimensional axis. With directed effort I can effectively rewrite your reality wholesale. I often DON'T act, simply because it's like opening up a jar of pickles with a nuclear weapon... there's no subtlety, there's no holding back, there's simply sheer undiluted power. I try to be as forgiving as possible, I try to be patient, I try and give humans time... because often you're a little slow to realizing that you've fucked up. But even the patience of a God has its limits... and you can clearly see that if you've looked at the wake of my presence online... from Portal of Evil to Something Awful Sycophant Squad to 888Chan to every last little community and clusterfuck that ever felt the need to try and screw me over in some capacity... every last one is GONE or CRIPPLED... and all I had to do was THINK about it. In this particular situation though... I'm pissed off enough that I'm actually going to take action. It's quite rare, no doubt, but sometimes a God needs to establish the extent of their power. So that's what I'm going to do... no more playing, no more chances, no more patience, no more forgiveness gloves. I'm going to show you the power of weaponized OCD... that little police report I fired off his bow last month... that was just a warning shot. Hence the reason I picked a town where he's no longer living at. No more warning shots, no more playing. My "Twelve Days of Conrad" event will show off the full extent of Lawful Chaos. You want to see art? You want to see where you end and I begin? The fun is gonna start on the 25th of December, so stick around kitten. >>3560 Is this guy retarded? The judicial system is practically notorious for heavy handed sentences when it comes to computer related "crimes". I mean, fuck all, look at Aaron Swartz... guy downloaded a bunch of academic journals at college, pretty much did absolutely NOTHING illegal and they were gonna put him in prison for THIRTY FIVE FUCKIN YEARS! ...of course he hung himself, so I guess it doesn't entirely count. Weev, that's another great example. What the fuck did he do? Pseudo URL "hacking" and he got about FOUR YEARS in federal prison. Or take Emmett Gulley, the guy made an angry little death threat on someone's answering machine and they locked him up for like a decade... granted he probably ~should~ have been locked up (for other reasons), but still... the whole phone threat was pretty weak. I mean, I get hate ridden death threats all the time, but I wouldn't want any of those little screwballs put in prison just because they couldn't keep their emotions in check. Sometimes people get angry and say stupid shit... doesn't mean they should be put in prison for it... and yet, that happens all the time. Oh, this one was great... https://www.cnn.com/2013/07/02/tech/social-media/facebook-threat-carter/index.html And this one... http://thefreethoughtproject.com/man-criminal-record-facing-life-prison-flashing-gang-signs-facebook/ Seriously, "last you checked"... dumbass you have no fuckin idea what's goin on in the world you live in.
>>3561 I asked what state this guy was in so I can actually attempt to verify your claims. You respond with several paragraphs about how the criminal justice system is corrupt, but don't post anything to verify your claims about the NAMBLA guy. Typical.
>>3563 Fuck if I know, it was like... more than a decade ago. I think at one point he was in Canada though like trying to hide out. Part of the reason he was so pissed off at me was because he was like a drunkard who was living in a storage facility... illegally. And I basically got him kicked out of said storage facility... and then he went batshit fuckin crazy. Also it wasn't just what he did to me, he was doing all sorts of crazy illegal shit to other people as well. He got nailed on a whole slew of charges.
>>3564 You stated... >and now he's in jail... forever. I mean, literally forever, I don't think they're ever going to let him out. If he's still in prison then link to his inmate profile.
>>3565 Tha'fuck is an "inmate profile"... what the shit are you on about, Numbnuts?
>>3567 You are literally retarded.
>>3568 No, seriously, explain to us all what an "inmate profile" is... because... that's not a thing, you fuckin retard.
>>3561 Couldn't be bothered to read your wall of text kiddo, I'm sorry that you're a chromosomally deficient doorknob but I respect actions not words matty
>>3569 Most states maintain an online database of current inmates. You can easily find their profile there if you have their name. Now stop stalling and post proof that this guy is still in prison, you fucking mongoloid.
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>>3585 Well, I don't know what state he's in, or was in, nor am I aware of any "online database of current inmates" sooo... what the fuck are you babbling about? Also it was like federal charges, so it wasn't like a state thing anyway. As I recall there were a whole multitude of states and even other countries involved because he was doing illegal shit all over the place. Why do you care so much about this dude anyway? I mean, he wasn't anyone especially important, hell I'd rate Emmett Gulley or Gary Lee Burnore (Nomen Nescio) as being more historically relevant than gawd damn Rikijoke. Here's some pictures of the guy (see attached)... not sure if that helps your search or not. They're like... nearly twenty years out of date tho. *shrugs*
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>>3587 So, you have no idea whether he's still in prison or not?
>>3590 Nope, I have no idea, nor do I give a shit one way or the other. If I was going to worry about a reckless lunatic from my past (not like there's a shortage) I'd probably worry more about Gulley since he has a history of violence and he's completely out of his God damn gourde... http://emmettgulley.blogspot.com/ https://emmettgulleycollection.wordpress.com/
Replying in Lessings wish me luck
Oh man, this is my new favorite site! https://ballotpedia.org/Democratic_Party_of_Texas I had no idea there were so many Democrat politicians in Texas! I plan to e-mail them... all of them... I think maybe that's Day 7 or Day 8 of my planned event.


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