/culture/ - Culture

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Gardening Anonymous 11/22/2019 (Fri) 03:41:50 No. 4
GARDENING THREAD I'll start: >be me >constantly complaining to the people I live with about how the food we eat is poisoned with fertilizers, pesticides, herbicides, fungicides and who knows else >the gods sent me an idea >go to farmer's market >buy one of 30 kinds of fruits/vegetables >go to garden, make 30 holes and plant 30 fruits/vegetables whole so that the non-seed part works as a natural fertilizer >spend the rest of the day killing the grass with my shovel >2 months later, about half of the plants failed to grow, have like 15 plants growing out of the ground. >3 months later eat my first meal that isn't poisoned (because I fertlized the plants with compost from leftovers instead of stupid chemicals) >my eyes instantly turn blue and my hair turns blond
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>>4 sounds true and hetrosexual. > be me > likes quiet time > weed garden every weekend > buffalo grass constantly invades my immaculate kikuyu > grumpygnome.jpg > use Grandpa's method of future speculation, been 5 year now, keeps me planned out > scanning and tracing the roots back to their origin > buffalo grass is like a hydra, always grows another sprout if you leave its base intact > select the biggest root at the end of the hunt, count the ribs as do every week > <3 ribs - 'danger zone, avoid people' > 4-7 ribs - 'be cautious but otherwise smooth sailing' > >7 ribs - 'theres something interesting around the corner' > last week found a vein like a kangaroo tail, thicc and 16 whole ribs > flusteredkoala.jpg > never happens, wasn't a rainy week either > is my neighbour going to finally pay back the damages he did to my shed? > am I getting 2 extra scallops in my next takeout order? > should i keep the scratchys i was going to gift to my sisters? > in awe, walking around the block bigtail in hand > hands waving all over the place heads racing with speculation > zone back in to the world around me > looking straight towards the second story of redbricked building > a young lady is getting a bit hot and heavy in the shower facing an open window (why?) > we lock eyes > "Eeep!" *window slams shut* > family with a stroller looks to the paniced women whose naked silhouette can still be seen through the stained glass, then back to me > i'm a shirtless man from the pliocene era wearing only a pair of boxers looking straight at her with glassy out of focus eyes > veryflusteredkoala.jpg > scamper back home rootail in hand, "what else does week have in store?" > keep sisters scratchys just incase i've still got some good fortune > nothing out of the ordinary happens all week, only get scratchy return of $3.50, not even the full price of a single ticket > lesson learnt. Way more than 12 ribs is inhuman and the method of predicting the future becomes literal and immediate.
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What resources for learning about gardening would you guys all recommend? >books >websites & blogs >etc. I'll recommend the Missouri Botanical Garden Plant Finder -- It has a lot of information about plants, but it is more about Botanical Gardens, rather than vegetable gardens. Still, you might find it useful. http://www.missouribotanicalgarden.org/plantfinder/plantfindersearch.aspx

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