Beastlad checking in. I don't typically phone post, so expect some spelling and grammar ical faggotry. Perhaps even reddit spacing.
I'm going to probably spend some time away. Not sure if I'll come back. Probably will, since we're all here forever. I've been thinking about this for some time. I've been a gargantuan faggot, especially with my shit posting. Im a fool. I've been able to see it clearly for a while, and have wanted to make this post for a while, but never really did.
I wrote of things that should not be written. Wrote of things I did not and do not understand as though I did. I know I was attempting to write from the heart, but the harm that can be, and likely has been done by it is well beyond my good intentions. I am a disgrace to my kind as a seeker of the dawn, and a failure as a man.
I am weak, foolish, and blind. What little I have learned through experience has been very good to me, but it is not enough to be able to write of them as I have in good conscience.
It takes a certain perspective to know what I am saying by these things, and the meaning between the lines. More so the causes for it. A poet like me, who is equally or more knowledge and perceptive would know. Would have been here.
I know there are Masters watching me. Guiding me, and helping me. I have seen one, and seen their hands. I am such a fool. I was wrong. I know nothing. I can see it so very clearly. That although I thought I had made progress, and that I had gone far, I truthfully had not. I made some progress, but not as I had thought. And in my faggotry I have pushed them away. Again and again in circles always the same. They won't tolerate this forever. I would have abandoned me long ago.
I can no longer remember Her face. And I am so weary. Sometimes I can still see the green stars. The silver-blue too. But it has been so long since I have seen them dance.
Some part of me always felt compelled to write. Always a need to. But I don't know if I'll leave anymore lanterns on the rocks. I don't know that I'm in a position to. But I know that I am a massive faggot. I'll probably be back to spew shit again. Or if, perhaps I am commanded to do so by my Beloved, or a Master.
Sieg Heil, Brothers! May We meet in the City of the Creasers, may We find the Oasis of Ice!