>how I began my journey
I was very faithful to the church for a long time. My biggest issue though was, it seemed like Elohim was ignoring me. I never had a single prayer answered, or had any blessing do any good. Of course, I have always been able to see ghosts, and had visions of the future too, which just left me more questioning, because what I saw myself didn't line up with what I had been told about the world. At first, I considered it a test, but as time passed, I came to have more doubt. Doubt turned me to thinking, thinking led me to truth, truth led me to despair and depression.
In the depths of my depression, realizing that my world had been a lie, a friend of mine told me about /b/. I started lurking, but found myself drawn almost instantly to /pol/. It just felt right. I didn't need really any convincing on national socialism, it felt natural, like I had already known it my whole life. My very being seemed to shout Sieg Heil!
After some time, I ended up lurking on 8/pol/, until my two years of lurking were up, including my time on cuckchan. I still didn't post for another year or so. At one point, I began lurking druid/pol/, because it interested me from a purely novelty type standpoint at first. Of course, I had also dabbled lightly in wicca tier occult due to my ability to see ghosts, and see visions. Something I had justified somehow, though I cannot remember. This occult fascination, even if for all the wrong reasons led me into lurking druid/pol/. Though, I do not mean these occult fascinations were new then, in fact, I had interest to some degree since I was just in first grade.
I decided one day that I was going to address my nightly prayer differently, and that it would be the last time I would pray. I decided to address it not to "heavenly father", and in the jew christs name, but to "creator of all, creator of man, true God", in my name. With a clear focus and intent on it reaching the true God and creator of man. I asked a simple question, "is the church true?" I for the first time ever, got an answer. A clear, but unmistakable "no." I asked then, "is there any church which is true?" Again, I was told no. I thanked this God for answering my prayer, but I felt betrayed. As I went off to bed, I cursed the name Elohim, renounced him and my ties, with all my heart and soul.
I think I began having a very strong feeling of being watched by something profoundly evil, and powerful after that. I didn't feel safe in my room, and occasionally objects would be thrown. I remember that I was sitting at my desk one day, when a controller I had sat against the wall on the desk flew off the desk, into the dead center of the room, with nothing else moving. And my hair instantly standing straight, and a chill down my spine.
At first, I simply asked the lodge quietly for information on using the Runes, as they had called to me at a young age, and I thought I could use them to keep the entity away.
One day, however, two Decembers ago, I found myself pulled from my body, hovering near the ceiling of my room. There was another entity in the room, dark, evil, powerful. It demanded I yield myself to Elohim, or be destroyed. I fought back, and called upon the Gods of my ancestors for aid, promising to pay them back for their assistance. I felt like I was being pulled and crushed from every possible direction, like the very sinew that made up my incorporeal form was being stretched to its extremes. But, the Gods came to my aid, I was returned to my body, and the dark entity could not destroy me.
That began my interaction with the lodge in earnest, though at first I was still mostly asleep spiritually, as my eyes had not yet been completely opened. Admittedly, my memory is somewhat screwed for such things, due to an event which occurred last year due to my rapid progress in remembering skills from prior lives.
This is also how I got my moniker within the lodge, Beastlad, or Beast Druid, though I do not consider myself to be worthy of the latter title. I can help with some things, but you will find that the others of the lodge are far more knowledgeable and experienced than I, I merely have talent to sail on. Though, in matters of self, the composition thereof, and the traversal of one's inner universe, I have some experience.
You are already well on your way it seems lad. I think that you are best to just follow your heart and synchronicity. You could read Nos, by Master Serrano, just to see if it helps you stir the blood memory, then read the Kyballion, or vice versa? Nos is for more advanced souls on a particular path, so I can't say for sure, nor do I want to make it seem as though that is the only way to go.
Here's a PDF for both, in case you want to look at them. Keep in mind, if you have no draw or desire to read them, it is probably because you are not ready. You don't have to read them, I'm just leaving these here in case you want to.