I'm doing alright, thanks for asking. Bit of a heads up, this will be a bit of a blog post, just to check in and update.
I've been away for a couple (three?) weeks, I wasn't gone a whole month was I?
so I missed the Samhain celebration. Aside from that, did I miss anything? I don't really remember how long it's been tbh, so if it's only been a week, feel free to call me out on it.
I've had a bit of a tough time trying to kill my materialist faggotry, as the demiurge seems to send something my way to halt my progress at every opportunity. Although, in spite of the efforts of the demiurge, I have succeeded in piercing some of the phonemes, admittedly, not many. I realized that for some reason, taking to a meditative mind while pacing is far more effective for me than actual meditation in a proper Asana as well, which I find strange.
In terms of portents, ever since gazing into the Mirror, and my subsequent fall, I have been seeing a cricket in odd places. It seems to be same cricket, but tbh, they all look the same. It's a small black cricket, and I thought it to represent decay, death, pestilence, rot, and of course, Nigredo. However, what I find peculiar is the frequency which I see it, and where. On one occasion, I took the cricket outside, as I had felt it a portent, I could not kill it. Upon returning indoors, I went to clean a bathroom, when, to my surprise, the same cricket appeared before me again. Perhaps it could have simply been another, perhaps I have a cricket problem. But, I have had no indication that I do, and there was always that feeling of synchronicity, of absolute conspiracy.
This, and the number 5, and variations of it are the portents which I see regularly, though, somewhat less regular are references to the Black Sun, which I have almost always seen in places where it was obviously not intended to be.
I did see a Vimana for the fourth(?) time.
And, lastly, what has vexed me for the past couple of days. A set of dreams, but admittedly, I only call them dreams because I cannot recall well enough the events to know for certain whether they were. I have found myself brought to a semi-lucidity in my dreams, but not to partake in some masturbatory fantasy, rather, a "messenger" has come for me the last two nights. I place messenger in quotes, because I recall too little to know for sure. My dreaming is interrupted, it just ends, and I am pulled to this, I only can say that it feels
different than a normal dream. I don't remember well enough to know for certain if it isn't, though. Ah, my usual problem, not being able to know for these sorts of things. He bears a banner, which has a left-hand swastika, which was all that I could remember of his features the first night. The second night, last night, the feature I remembered was that on his chest was a large bronze plate. In the center of this plate is the same swastika, which is itself encircled, and the circle may have wings. I do not remember the details of the plate beyond the swastika very well. Both nights, he came to tell me something. To convey a message. I know this, but I cannot recall what it was he said, or even any features beyond the banner and bronze plate. Surely, he will come again tonight, and it being the third night, I shall will it to be that I recall it. Or, perhaps it is merely a dream, my subconscious desires.
Actually, I just remembered. This isn't the first time I've seen him. No, I saw him a month or so ago. It was similar. I do remember what we talked about in this conversation, though. I suppose because I was still in a partial sleep state then, I hid my appearance (in vain) from him. I had the same banner. Obviously, trying to hide the banner was ridiculous, and made him laugh. He asked me why I was trying to hide who I was. I, in a confused state continued, and insisted that I didn't know what he was talking about, and that I was hiding nothing. After a third try asking me, he grew visibly frustrated with me, and began to explain to me that I shouldn't be afraid to show it. That was around the same time that I received numerous portents that I should stop my daily theatrics, including hiding my power level. Of course, I will not reveal any of that, even with the portents.