do not follow emotions which have no rational or joyful usages. You don't really know where they begin, neither where they will end.
Someone outside there is the one who shouldn't have been born...
If you were not to be the smartest monkey in the cage, don't strive to be anything you cannot reach. Accept what you have to humbly use it without distractions... it may grow bigger it may not, but caring about unreachable things won't lead us to anything.
A thing that may help to your mindset:
do some fasting, eat less times along the day while you may not be doing so. It clears the mind the more you practice it.
Then you may have less "heaviness" in your head without all these clouds inside.
It worked to me, it must be some chemical thing.